The Joan Collins Fan Club: My life with Fanny the Wonder Dog – Julian Clary and Paul Merton

TJCFC(Not discussed by the group but written in a personal capacity.)

I used to loathe camp comedians like Larry Grayson so I was nonplussed when Julian Clary hit the television screens. I thought mincing comedians were a thing of the past. Then it dawned on me that this was something different. Clary didn’t put himself down. He used his biting sarcasm to put other people down. Men in the audience were often the victims. So now we have a sort of retro-camp coming from someone highly intelligent.

The print looks like something out of a students’ rag magazine of the 1970s.

It isn’t laugh out loud funny wit the double entendres make me smile.

‘I hit rock bottom. I became a student’.

A groping landlord.

Hans Drops his Trousers is set in pre-war Berlin. The trousers obviously represent the Weimar republic and the very fact that Hans drops them is indicative of the middle class’ rejection of Hindenburg’s economic policy. Undoubtedly the underpants symbolise the emergence of National Socialism. The outline of his sexual organs clearly predicts the construction of the autobahns. Previously released under the title Show us your Arse, Square Head, this epic work captures perfectly the mood of decadence only hinted at in the earlier movie Watch out Gustav, there’s a Homosexual Behind you. ‘Highly recommended’

‘Who cuts your hair for you — is it the council?’

`Shut up and act like a man,’ I retorted, ‘or don’t you do impressions?’

`What a lovely shirt you’re wearing,Brian,’ I said. ‘Such a pity the shop didn’t have your size.”

I felt several beads of sweat on my forehead, which I quickly fashioned into a necklace

Men like you don’t grow in trees.You usually we swing from them.

The conclusion: As I look back over my life with Fanny the Wonder Dog, I realise that she has manipulated events to suit her own purposes. And I suppose I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. She is a remarkable creature, a spiritual being in contact with the Universe and all the lamp-posts in it.

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